Since joining Rotary, I have come into contact with marvellous, salt of the earth people from all backgrounds, who give so much to this community. I'm a lazy, selfish sod by comparison, but that's not what's sending me to hell.

I was taught never to judge a person, as you don't know what has shaped their life. Possibly because I appear somewhat naive, vulnerable, foolish and am polite, I look as if I can be bullied and taken advantage of. Ha! Somewhere, alongside a portrait of Dorian Gray, hangs a hideous one of my soul.

I have had an eventful life, full of good and terrible experiences. I cannot be bullied, and am tougher than an army boot. But that's not what's sending me to hell.

I do love playing devil's advocate. I love to stir things up, to make people think. However, playing devil's advocate isn't what is bringing me closer to him.

Years ago, outside Australia, I was engaged in a public debate, and used my country as an example. I was attacked viciously and told that it was OBVIOUS I knew nothing about Australia, and OBVIOUSLY had never been there. Rather than politely point out that I, both parents, four grandparents and eight great-grandparents had been born and raised there, I let the fellow continue before verbally butchering him with his own stupidity.

Here is where my journey to hell becomes relevant. I have a terrible weakness when people not only turn a difference of opinion into a personal attack, but make an uneducated judgement about a stranger and attempt to publicly mock them with it. 

In such situations I am merciless, a right royal bitch and, consequently, totally bound for hell.

I guess that's why I'm not into social media, where people confuse opinion with fact, are intolerant of others' opinions and quick to attack like cowardly hyenas. It brings out the imp in me, and I itch to rattle cages.

Something I find perversely amusing is how easy it is to manipulate through social media. A feeling of anonymity seems to give people a sense of empowerment to be vicious and cruel, but it also makes them vulnerable, as most respond without proper thought to what they read, often making fools of themselves. I know, I've done it. There's my ticket to hell booked.

After an innocuous observation on the grapevine was met with harsh comments from people who wouldn't know me if I ran into them screaming my name, I couldn't help myself. My inner Mr Hyde was aroused.

I set the trap, made the posts and waited for the armchair critics to expose themselves. I was shocked. Despite coming across as a whinging prat, so many of the good citizens of Daylesford actually tried to be helpful. Others tried to engage in a constructive discussion. Such people are golden, and far finer human beings than me. I will not be seeing you in hell.

The remainder were a waste of time. The problem with trying to be clever with sarcasm is that when it doesn't work, it looks pretty lame. The attempts to cut the whinging prat down were also very lame. I was very disappointed really. While I am totally prepared for the consequences in using my own name when sounding like a right spoilt tosser, I can't believe that, in a small community, people risk sounding stupid in a public forum. The attempts at cutting, smart replies were dismal and pathetic.

So, I am going to hell because I have no time for people who comment before thinking, and judge without knowing. I am going to hell because I get no kicks being nasty and hateful through social media. I am going to hell because I understand the irony of posting on a public forum and then complaining about strangers commenting.

My arrival date in hell is booked because I write self-righteous columns in the local paper. Please, do me a favour and think before you post. I don't want to see any armchair critics there with me.